Peek in my week #17

Week 47 – Ice-cold water, monsters and why resistance is a signpost

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Sunday morning, 7 a.m. I’m standing at the edge of Frank van Bergen’s dipping spot.

Cold water. Shit. And that voice in my head is screaming: “WHY? Why are you doing this?! You barely even shower cold at home anymore. You’re untrained! This is stupid. Stay put.” Part X in full force.

So I go. Just to give that voice a big middle finger.

Because that voice – your inner saboteur – wants you to avoid exactly the direction where your growth lies. It wants you comfortable. Safe. Small.

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

I grab the hand that’s offered to me and step in.

The water hits. Cold. Freezing cold. But I stay. Quite long actually. And when I come out? Super proud. I freaking did it!

Because here’s the thing: every self-chosen challenge you take on makes you stronger for the challenges life throws at you. Those you can’t choose, but you can train yourself to handle them. And more importantly:

Resistance is not an enemy. It’s a signpost. It points you toward your growth.

The Tools that make it possible

Okay, but how?
How do you move through resistance when your body screams: “NO”?

Two tools. Simple. Powerful.

1. The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins

Mel Robbins is currently number 1 on the New York Times Best Seller list with her book Let Them. Really good book indeed. And her tool is so simple you think: this can’t work. But it does.

Here it is:
When you feel the impulse to act on a goal, you have 5 seconds to physically move. Otherwise your brain stops you.

5… 4… 3… 2… 1… GO.

That countdown mechanism switches Part X off. That voice saying: “Just stay standing. That water is way too cold.”

At the water? 5-4-3-2-1-GO. And I was in.

That email you’ve been avoiding for a year? 5-4-3-2-1-GO. And you type.

Why count backwards?
Because your brain is busy counting instead of inventing arguments to stop you. I also have a deal with myself: once I start counting, there is no way back.

Mel puts it like this:
“Courage is not about feeling confident. It’s about taking action despite feeling scared.”

I use this tool regularly. Getting out of bed. Working out. Eating healthy. Anything I feel resistance on.

2. Reversal of Desire – by Phil Stutz

This is the other side of it. The 5 Second Rule helps you move. But Reversal of Desire helps you embrace the resistance.

Phil Stutz says:
Avoiding pain makes it bigger. Embracing pain makes it smaller.

So instead of: “I hope this doesn’t hurt” – you think:
“Bring it on. I want to feel that pain.”

In that ice-cold water I don’t think: “Oh god, this is going to hurt.”
I think: “Yes. I’m going to feel this. I want that cold. BRING IT ON!”

The resistance shrinks. Because you’re no longer running away from it. You run towards it.

Resistance shrinks when you move toward it and grows when you move away.

We make it bigger and scarier in our heads. Until it becomes a monster we think we can’t pass.
But when you actually take the step? It’s a hundred thousand times easier than you imagined.

“The demon you swallow gives you its power.”

That scary thing you “eat”? It gives you its strength.
So if you do scary things often, you become stronger and stronger.

And those tools would come in handy later this week, because…

Special education and the power of being open

Monday and Tuesday I taught the workshop “Discover Your Superpower” at the Reestoeverschool. Special education, kids aged 11-12.

And I was really nervous! Because yes, I taught for twelve years, but not to kids. Not in special education. And it was also my first time teaching this workshop.

You can Pippi Longstocking it (“I’ve never done it before, so I think I can do it”), but you still need to prepare well so you’re ready for whatever is needed – and can let go when required. And I’m glad I did.

The first group was 8th grade. Many kids with serious baggage. Addicted parents. Removed from home. Parents in rehab clinics. Heavy stuff. I hadn’t fully realized that. And they were very open about it.

But I also felt resistance there. Resistance to sharing my story with these kids. Because yes, I’m a coach and trainer. I help people, I share my story. But am I going to tell these kids about my own childhood?

Part X whispered: “Don’t do it. Too much and too personal. Stay professional.”
And yet I felt and heard the wise voice of my shadow: “Share.”

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

And I told them. That I knew what that was like. Because I grew up with an alcoholic mother. And then they wanted to know everything. How it went. Whether she was still alive. Just very direct, raw questions.

Moving through my resistance to be open about that, that created the connection. That vulnerability is what made those kids engage with the hero workshop. It helped them feel seen. Not alone. It was beautiful. I’m grateful I could contribute something there.

When I got home? Exhausted. Completely drained. Because it was constant switching to keep them engaged.

And before, I would have just kept working. Back to business. Keep going. Stay productive.
But now I choose meditation more often. On the Waking Up app.

Here’s a free guest pass for 30 days, if you’re curious (no affiliate link, just a recommendation!). And this meditation is especially beautiful because it focuses on love and compassion. Because this wasn’t something to power through, this needed space to land.

And much respect to teachers like Linda Mulder and especially in this kind of education. It’s intense. There’s always someone who needs extra attention, or hits something, or cries. Intense, heavy moments.

Tuesday I taught again, with a different group. Less extreme experiences, but also eager to learn. About their superpowers. About breathing. About how to bring yourself back to your energy when things are tough.

And that’s what I love about this workshop: it’s practice. Helping people — and kids — return to themselves. To their strength. Another beautiful, new experience.

Pranic living

And in the spirit of trying new things and feeling resistance toward them: on Saturday I went to a Pranic Living Meeting in Dordrecht.

People who live on life force energy and do not eat or drink at all. How? Apparently it is possible, even though it is scientifically unexplainable.

Am I ready for that myself? No. But I do find it fascinating. I wrote a book about intermittent fasting. Full pranic living feels like a very long bridge too far for me. You also should not start it randomly. But it did inspire me to do a few fasting days again soon to clean up my body and cells.

Frankenstein and your own monster

Last week I watched the Frankenstein film on Netflix. And what a shadow work story. Such a good film, it really should have been in the cinema.

What is it about? Most people know the story. Victor Frankenstein creates a being from his own brilliance, but also from his ego. His need for control. His fear of death. His obsession with perfection.

But the moment that being comes to life and becomes stronger, he becomes afraid. Get out. He runs. He wants nothing to do with it. He calls it ugly, dangerous, inhuman.

And that is shadow work. Everything you suppress out of shame, fear or judgment becomes bigger than you one day.

“The monster” turns out to be surprisingly human and wants love, recognition and connection. But because Victor cannot give that, not to himself and not to his creation, it becomes vengeful. It mirrors everything Victor refused to see: his guilt, his failures, his split off self.

“Monsters are real. They live inside us, and sometimes, they will win.” Stephen King

Those parts of yourself you push away, the ones you do not want to see, they come back and they will get in your way unless you give them love.

I have a monster too. More than one. But this one is a little girl of about eight. She sits in the corner of her bedroom while her mother is drunk again. She makes herself as small as possible. As invisible as possible. Because if she is seen, it gets worse.

For years I pushed her away. That vulnerability. That fear. That loneliness. Mask on, showing strength and success on the outside. Because that girl had to go.

Until I did my first shadow training with Barry Michels (business partner of Phil Stutz) in New York. I cried and cried, because there she was. Small. Afraid. Still waiting to be seen.

And now I give her what she always needed. I see her and I connect with her. And it is such a relief not to need that from the outside world anymore, but to be able to give it to myself. Sometimes you run into another piece again, but it is always a work in progress.

She is no longer a monster. She is a part of me I can embrace. A part that helps me see others who are sitting in that corner too.

Because your monster is not your enemy. It is a part of you waiting for recognition and love. And facing those monsters is done with small steps. Every single day.

Action in the Taxi

My growth? Not a huge breakthrough this week, apart from dipping without screaming. But showing up. Consistency. Because I notice I tend to wait for big things. For the perfect strategy.

But growth is in the small things.

My 5 Second Rule moments:

5 4 3 2 1 and tweak that website page I had postponed for weeks.
5 4 3 2 1 and write down ideas instead of saying “later”.
5 4 3 2 1 and reach out to new people.

We think change must be spectacular. But change is often repetitive. It is that one 5 4 3 2 1 decision every day. Very clear. And it makes you a little better each time.

No big jumps. Small steps. Consistent.

On Thursday I went to a ladies night hosted by a few entrepreneurs from Meppel (I did not come up with the name). Several speakers shared their entrepreneurial journey. Nice to be there. Made connections. Maybe I will get to speak there too someday. It was lovely, also connecting with Dinanne Lanjouw and Geke Andeweg

And on Friday I was supposed to go to Utrecht for Digitale Fitheid. But once again I got stuck at Zwolle station because of a signal failure. And I did not feel like traveling all the way through Amsterdam again. Dinanne had already invited me the night before to join her for an Instagram afternoon in Dwingeloo.

I took it as a sign from the universe, got in her car and met a whole group of new therapists and coaches who had never heard of the Tools, so apparently that was what needed to happen.

Finally

The ice-cold water made me stronger.

The vulnerability with those kids created connection where I never expected it.

That eight-year-old girl I hid for so many years now gives me the strength to truly see others.

Resistance is not a wall. It is a door.

And on the other side of that door is everything you are looking for: growth, strength, connection, yourself.

But you have to walk through the door. No one can do it for you.

What is your resistance TODAY?

Not this week. Not soon. Today.

What is the thing you keep avoiding even though you know it is good for you?

Important: we do not apply this to things we know are genuinely not aligned for us. But that requires radical honesty with yourself, and that is often the hardest part. For many people and also still for me. We are always in training.

Try this:

Feel where the resistance sits. Head? Chest? Belly? Throat?
Say: “Bring it on. I want to feel this.” (Reversal of Desire)
Count 5 4 3 2 1 GO and move. Physically. Immediately. (5 Second Rule)

One tool makes you willing. The other launches you.

The demon you swallow gives you its power.

Eat that thing. Gain its strength. Become who you are meant to be.

Because you are here to be yourself. And being yourself means taking the scary actions.

Every. Single. Day.

Thank you for reading.

May the life force be with you, Syl

👉 Plan a free clarity call
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Agenda

12 December 2025 – Make 2026 the Greatest Year of Your Life at Wonders of Work Utrecht. Now completely free. You can still join here.

30 December 2025 – New Year’s Workshop at Binnenruimte Meppel with Mariska van Dam. A whole day for yourself. We breathe out the old year and breathe in the new one. Ready to shine and rock in 2026. Join here.