Week 46 – One and a half years alcohol-free. Avicii, Bruce, two containers full of freedom and my talk at Netwerk vol Magie.
“We’d rather stare directly at the sun than in the mirror…” – Ryan Holiday, Wisdom Takes Work
The week where everything was about feeling
One and a half years. Yep, I’ve been off alcohol for a year and a half. I still can’t fully wrap my head around it when I think about how big of a fan I used to be of wine.
And only now, especially these past weeks, do I fully experience how different life feels when you allow the harder emotions to be felt completely. Without softening the edges. It’s f*ing confronting and sometimes genuinely difficult. But it’s also… living fully and intensely.
Because I see it everywhere around me. People numbing instead of feeling. Looking away instead of looking inward. Putting on masks instead of showing who they really are.
This week I saw it in a documentary about Avicii. In the film about Bruce Springsteen. In people I met while networking and spoke to after my talk. And yep, in myself too.
Avicii: 50 million, but for what
The dance artist who created some tracks that still make me feel ridiculously happy, yet who took his own life at just 28. At 26 he was “set for life,” as the American press put it, with 50 million in the bank.
He said in the documentary: “I wanted to earn enough to pay rent, take a taxi and go to a restaurant. Nothing more. Money was never a driving force.” And I think that’s beautiful. But still the success became too much. Because he was driven by three things:
- A massive inner drive to create
From a young age he literally spent hours every day behind his laptop making music. “I just had this urge. I couldn’t stop. It was like breathing.” - Perfectionism
He wanted every track to be perfect. That brought him global success, but also enormous pressure. - A desire to move people
He didn’t just want to make hits. He wanted to create something that touched people. Really touched them.
And in themselves these are beautiful things… except perfectionism can also convince you that nothing (read: you) is ever good enough. That combination became too much: working harder, touring more, producing more. Everyone pulled at him. And then he numbed himself with alcohol and painkillers. All to avoid feeling the stress and pressure. Understandable, but obviously not a solution.
I recognize it. Not at that scale, of course. But numbing? When I didn’t want to feel? Softening the sharp edges? Yep. That was me for sure. And I see it with clients and people I know…
Let’s face it: this whole “life thing”… is sometimes just f’ing hard to deal with, even when from the outside it looks like you’ve “made it.” You can’t escape that, no matter how much money you have.
Operating from extreme perfectionism and not taking rest doesn’t help either. And that’s exactly what we do need. Tim, as he was actually named, realized this eventually, but a year off and transcendent meditation training apparently weren’t enough to save him. So sad. I danced one more time in my living room to his music after watching the film in his honor.
Bruce Springsteen: creating through depression
It was a “fun week,” speaking of mental health, because I also went to see the film about Bruce Springsteen with my friend Annemiek.
Bruce was 31, on the verge of superstardom. And deeply depressed. And what did he do? He made music from that truth. In his bedroom, with simple equipment, he created the Nebraska album. Raw. Real. Unpolished. Very impressive.
And what Annemiek said really struck me: “This film showed what depression actually is. On the outside you often can’t see how bad it is.” And that was true for Avicii too.
His manager Jon Landau? He supported him. Even though the record label didn’t understand it at all, because there were still plenty of potential hits on the shelf. Because real friendship means: I see you. Even your dark side. The whole you. And I stand behind you. I keep supporting you.
One and a half years sober: feeling instead of numbing
And now? Now I feel everything. The pain. The fear. Sometimes the loneliness. But also the immense joy. Becoming happy from leaves dancing across the road. The connection with people who are themselves too. The realness. I wouldn’t want to miss it, not even the occasional depressive feelings.
And you know what truly helps me see the beauty in life every day? The Tool that sounds extremely simple but works:
The Grateful Flow: shifting when it’s dark
Because when do we feel depressed? When we’ve come to a negative conclusion about ourselves and our life. When we can only see what’s missing or what’s wrong. You can stay stuck there, or you can choose to do something and shift your internal state.
The Grateful Flow goes like this:
- Close your eyes. Name three things you’re grateful for.
They don’t have to be big life achievements. In fact, small things work better: sensory experiences or things you normally take for granted.
The light on your skin. The sound of a bird. The taste of tea. The warmth of your pet against your leg. The fact that you have running hot water. A warm bed. Keep it small and simple. - Let each feeling of gratitude spread through your chest.
Let it flow to your heart. - And feel your internal state shift.
From what’s missing to what is here. From isolation to connection.
It’s the energy with which you generate gratitude that creates the shift. Even if it’s small. When you look at what is here – no matter how small – you can change your own state very simply.
I use this tool daily as training/maintenance to keep feeling good or to shift perspective. And it works to flip the switch again and again, even when everything is going great. It’s my mental and emotional training so I’m resilient when challenges hit, and I highly recommend you try it too.
Netwerk vol Magie: finding each other in vulnerability
On Tuesday I finally got to share my story at Liesbeth Kingma at Netwerk vol Magie. And I chose to be fully myself. Good, bad, ugly. With my private struggles and business fuck-ups. Of course also about the numbing I used to do. And also laughing, because you shouldn’t take yourself too seriously either.
I’d been looking forward to it for weeks, but—as often happens—just hours before the event I suddenly became insanely nervous. But lucky me, I had my Tools and my shadows to lean on. And I went ahead and shared them with the room.
Janneke Doornbos played a beautiful song before I took the stage. That helped me stand fully in what I wanted to share.
And right after? A touch of what Brené Brown would call a “vulnerability hangover.” That moment where you think: oh my god, what did I just say 😅. But honestly, this is who I am, and I’m finally more than okay with that.
And then people started coming up to me. Look, I try to stay independent of the opinions of others—positive or negative—but let’s be real: no one gives a talk or writes a book just for themselves. So it was of course wonderful to hear that people found it beautiful and, more importantly: that they recognized themselves in my story.
“That you dared to share that: so powerful and vulnerable.”
“So good to hear I’m not the only one who feels that way.”
We found each other in being real. In: this is hard. This is what I struggle with. This is who I am. And when you are vulnerable, you invite others to be vulnerable too. And so I had these beautiful conversations with entrepreneurs who dared to share their own struggles. #Grateful!
And hey… if you’re reading this and you’re part of a business or entrepreneurial club and would love to hear the raw, inspiring, vulnerable talk about my entrepreneurial journey—let me know! I’d love to come share it.
Maris’ tiny palace: two containers full of freedom
And then the weekend at Mariska van Dam’s place, the photo above this newsletter, where we sat like two grandmas in front of her little house looking out over the fields. My friend now lives in a tiny house. Two containers in a meadow. And she turned it into a little palace, because inside it looks absolutely lovely. So much freedom and nature, wide views, space to breathe. And all on not even 50 square meters. Amazing! What else does a person really need? After Avicii’s story about “50 million = success,” it was beautiful to experience this simple and rich life up close.
Ryan Holiday: know thyself
The book Wisdom Takes Work (which the book truly did, because it’s not a quick read with all the wisdom packed in there) is finished, and I’m now rereading certain sections, like “Be Self-Aware.” And he writes:
“We’d rather stare directly at the sun than in the mirror…”
And it’s so true. We look everywhere else, judge everything else, and run from ourselves.
But Ryan also writes:
“We need empathy for others… and empathy for ourselves. For who we are. Why we are who we are. Who we are trying to be. Know thyself.”
Know thyself. Know yourself.
Not just empathy for others. Also empathy for yourself. Understanding why you numb. What your patterns are.
And then Ryan writes:
“Self-awareness is one of the rarest things in the world!”
It’s easier to keep rushing than to stop and feel. It’s easier to numb than to feel (well… “is,” more like it seems easier, but that’s for another newsletter).
Anyway, the only way to bring movement into pain is by pressing pause and feeling. Stop numbing. Feel what is truly there and who you truly are. And share what’s REALLY going on with others. Because that’s when we can help each other, because we meet in that shared humanity. Especially in an era where AI takes up more and more space, human connection becomes even more important.
That’s why I’m grateful for everything I experience, even without alcohol (and I realize this might make it sound like I used to be a huge alcoholic, which I absolutely wasn’t, but I did think about it a lot). It forces me to feel. It has given me empathy. For others and for myself.
Action in the Taxi
- I also joined a wonderful mastermind hosted by Stan van den Bosch in Utrecht, where I met great new people like Mike Verbruggen and André de Sterke, DVM. We each brought a question about our business, and it was really interesting to hear different perspectives on an issue I thought was a problem… but apparently wasn’t at all 😅.
- Behind the scenes my marketer and I have been working on setting up ads on Meta, which I’m actually quite enjoying. I mentioned during my talk on Tuesday how much Facebook ads brought me six years ago in book sales (30-40 books per day for months) and I’m not getting my hopes up that high this time… but it’s fun to experiment with something new again.
Finally
In the end this week was about shifting from what’s missing to what is here. From isolation to connection.
And now you:
Where do you numb? Work? Alcohol? Scrolling?
Try The Grateful Flow.
Close your eyes. Name three small things you’re grateful for. Feel it spread through your chest. Open your heart. Notice how your state changes.
And hey… would you like to hear me briefly share who I am and what I do? Check out the podcast Meppels Kwartiertje I recorded a few weeks ago with Sander Veldman.
Thanks again for reading and see you next week!
Agenda
12 December 2025 – Make 2026 the Greatest Year of Your Life at Wonders of Work in Utrecht. This time still completely FREE! Will you join?
30 December 2025 – New Year’s Workshop at Binnenruimte in Meppel with Mariska van Dam. We’ll breathe OUT the old year and breathe IN the new one, ready to shine in 2026. 👉 More info
I guide leaders and coaches with the Tools from Phil Stutz, combined with my StateShift Method. From self-doubt to action. From procrastination to momentum. So they can lead their life and business on their own terms and become the most authentic version of themselves.
👉 Plan a free clarity call, or contact me. Even if you just want to chat and hear how I do what I do. Maybe I can help you. Remember: we find each other in vulnerability.
✨ May the life force be with you, Syl
