Week 3 of 2026 – Surrendering to what you can’t change, the tug-of-war you can win, and a weekend from Hero Bars to axes
“Why am I doing this to myself?”
That thought crossed my mind last week. More than once.
Saturday, on my way to MyHotel to give a Heroic Workshop. Unknown location. People I’d never met. My head: what if I forget things? What if I don’t explain the parts well? What if I mix everything up?
Sunday, at the water. 2 degrees Celsius with ice on top that had to be chopped through first. My head: you’re crazy, Holtslag. It’s WAY too cold. What are you DOING here?!
There it is again. That inner nag: my Part X.
With things that are new – new places, new people, new challenges – a part of me screams: DON’T DO IT. And not just at the beginning. No. EVERY step of the way there.
But not only then. Also when I have to switch tasks. I don’t feel like it, I don’t want to. And then I find myself standing at the pantry looking for something to eat. Unfortunately: nothing, because I don’t keep unhealthy stuff in the house. At least not the kind I like. 😂
I know – I mention resistance, Part X often. That’s because it doesn’t go away. Not for me, not for you, not for anyone. It’s not a problem you solve. It’s a life companion you get to know, who also knows you inside out. It knows exactly which buttons to push, because it knows all your patterns and especially YOU through and through.
And it loves to exploit the human tendency toward pain avoidance and laziness.
The remarkable thing: I (just like you) never regret doing the hard things anyway. Like: never ever. Usually I’m even proud of myself and above all grateful that I got to do it and for how it went.
So by now I know that resistance is good, it’s my compass. The louder the voice screams, the more I know: there’s something important here. Let’s fucking GO!
Surrender
The week actually started with a lesson in letting go.
Even if you live under a rock, like I usually do (I don’t follow much news these days), you couldn’t miss it: the Netherlands was paralyzed by sudden snow that lasted all week. Code orange. Blizzards. More than 3,000 cancelled flights at Schiphol.
My boyfriend was supposed to come, from abroad. And until the last moment I didn’t know if his flight would go through.
You can check the weather a hundred times. You can’t influence a single snowflake.
So I practiced. With surrender, like in the Michael Singer training I was (not coincidentally) working through. With accepting that I couldn’t know how it would end and that whatever the outcome, it would be okay.
Byron Katie has a fantastic quote:
“If you argue with reality, you will lose. But only 100% of the time.”
It would be what it needed to be. No matter what.
THAT is the practice. Being okay with everything. Whatever the outcome. Because nothing is inherently good or bad, only our thoughts about it.
I don’t remember who said that and it needs work, but I’m in training. And I was incredibly grateful that he arrived right on schedule. Thank you Universe!
Hero Bars
The workshop was amazing again, partly because I had a wonderful assistant (aka my Heroic friend) despite many people unfortunately not being able to make it due to the weather chaos.
We were exactly with the people who were meant to be there. Thank you to all who were there; Marjan van Buuren Martin Walstra Wilke Huberts Sietske van der Meulen Jan Willem Nieuwenhuis Alexander Safonov and Laura Verboom.
What did I find the most beautiful moment? When the Hero Bars were baked.
Hero Bars come from Heroic (currently offline, so no link for now) – an app and platform by Brian Johnson that helps you become the best version of yourself, based on the wisdom of almost 1000 books on self-improvement, psychology and philosophy. There’s a free version you can download (again soon).
The concept of Hero Bars is inspired by David Goggins ’ “Cookie Jar” – an American ex-Navy SEAL and ultra-marathon runner known for his mental toughness. The Cookie Jar is a mental jar where you store all your victories. All the moments you endured pain, didn’t give up, achieved something.
When it gets hard – and with Goggins it gets VERY hard – he reaches into that jar. He reminds himself of everything he’s already survived.
“We must create a system that constantly reminds us who we are when we are at our best.”
Hero Bars are the Heroic version of this.
Back to the workshop. People talked with each other about what they’ve endured. Overcome. Achieved. Big, small – doesn’t matter. No small talk. No “how are you” and “yeah good, busy.” But real. Deep. What have you been through? What have you survived or overcome?
And then listening to each other. Really listening. Not to respond, but to hear.
Then they shared – with permission of course – one thing about the other person back to the group. And then listening again to how someone else tells your story. How they put into words what you’ve been through.
A group of people who didn’t know each other an hour earlier. And now? A bond. Not because they share a hobby or live on the same street. But because they had seen each other’s depth. And everything that comes with that, because this exercise goes beyond this.
If you don’t get a powerful feeling from this, I don’t know what will.
This is what I mean by resistance lying. My head said on the way: what if I mix everything up? And then THIS happened. And giving this workshop was another Hero Bar for me too (just like this newsletter – because it still doesn’t write itself and that’s exactly the point)!
Rock Your Goddess Life
I’ve also started a new program I mentioned in the previous newsletter: Rock Your Goddess Life by Alexandra Jaye Johnson.
Twelve weeks. Ten elements. From nutrition to movement, from confidence to spirituality, from relationships to purpose. Alexandra is the wife of Brian Johnson (from Heroic) AND a student of Phil Stutz.
Her definition of a goddess struck me immediately.
Not a perfect woman on a pedestal. Not an unreachable ideal.
“No – a goddess is you at your best. A woman who lives authentically from her essence. Not defined by perfection or expectations, but by presence and the courage to be herself.”
One of the elements that moves me is sensuality. And no – it’s not about what you think it’s about, although that can be part of it. It’s about getting out of your head and into your body. About slowing down. About feeling what IS instead of constantly thinking about what should be.
Also this question: When was the last time you really drank your tea? Not while looking at your phone. Not while thinking about your next appointment. Just: feeling the warmth, smelling the scent, being present.
Presence and pleasure. Being present with what’s happening now. And allowing it to feel good.
That’s also surrender. Stopping the running. Stopping the fighting. Feeling what’s here now. Embracing the moment in front of you.
The voice that lies
Thanks to my boyfriend, who pointed out something beautiful again, I’m diving back into Michael Singer – author of The Untethered Soul and The Surrender Experiment. He explains WHY that voice in your head is so persistent.
One of the reasons: It’s the imprint of stored patterns. Old fears that return as present-day resistance.
Singer told a story that made an impression on me about when he was teaching in a prison with serious criminals. He asks them: “If the most beautiful woman walked in and took off her clothes, could you NOT look?”
They say: “No. Impossible. We’ve been locked up so long and never see a beautiful woman, let alone naked. I really CAN’T.”
Then he says: “Okay. Here’s your ticket to freedom AND 10 million dollars if you DON’T look.”
Every man said: “Then I would ABSOLUTELY not look.”
-You just said you COULDN’T. Now you can.
The question isn’t whether you can. The question is what you believe about yourself and your life. The follow-up question is whether you’re willing to let go of that belief.
Singer describes it as a tug-of-war. You on one side, a whole football team on the other. You’re being pulled into the mud. You fight, you pull, you resist.
Until someone says: “Let go of the rope.”
And then it’s over. No rope, no fight. They can’t pull you if you’re not holding on.
I found this so beautiful to think about.
The ice water
And then there was Sunday with our dipping club. It was freezing, there was ice on the water. A path through the ice had to be chopped first. OMG hahaha 🪓🥶 Thank you Jan Willem for being a badass and doing that work for us 🙏.
And somewhere I thought (of course) again: NOOOOO! This is nutballs! Don’t do it!
But I let go of my inner rope and stepped in calmly. (and yes, I seriously find it a miracle that I do this nowadays 😂).
And it was really fucking cold. In the water, but also outside. I felt it, accepted it, surrendered to it and when you’re back in your clothes and your whole skin is tingling, and your body from the inside out: FANTASTIC!
(This is one of my new friends Jan Willem, literally: a very cool guy!)
Then I’m SO incredibly grateful!
So I keep practicing. The resistance/Part X screams, I surrender, I do it anyway, and afterwards I’m happy. Voilà. And we don’t need to make it more complicated than that, right? So keep practicing. Keep going.
What’s coming
Besides being fully booked with coaching, because I got to welcome several new clients (Yay!) I’m busy creating. New training. New book. New workshops… maybe even abroad.
I’m letting myself be guided in surrender. No idea exactly where it will go. What I do know: beautiful things are coming. And sometimes I get stuck there too and have to chop through the ice again and that’s okay too.
But I read a beautiful quote from Mel Robbins this morning:
“It’s your job to become the person you’re meant to be. That means you have to do things you don’t feel like doing. Making yourself uncomfortable is the fastest way to become the person you’re meant to be.”
That.
For you
Where is your resistance screaming the loudest?
That thing you think “I should really…” but keep avoiding?
“Why would I do this to myself?”
That’s exactly the question pointing the way.
And the answer is: because it’s meant for you. Not because it’s easy, but because it’s meaningful. And it can’t be meaningful without being hard.
Do that thing!
And if you need help with it, let me know.
May the life force be with you,
Syl
👉Would you like to spar for a moment about what’s holding you back? Plan your call here
