Week 36
Yes! Week 6! This week was all about encounters, speaking on stage, reconnecting with old friends, and meeting new people.
On Stage at WoW – On Fear and Actio
Monday was the big day: I got to speak on stage at WoW. Thank you, Victor Evink, for the opportunity!
I shared about fear, self-doubt, and the procrastination that often follows. And yes, I stood there with shaky knees at first, but thankfully, I had my tool (The Reversal of Desire) and this truth:
“The pain of fear is temporary; the pain of regret is endless.”
Most people think they’re just dealing with procrastination or self-doubt. But both stem from the same source: fear. Specifically, the primal fear of rejection. Almost no one grows up without scars in that area, big or small.
If we let fear take the wheel, we end up procrastinating, doubting ourselves, chasing perfection, or never daring to pursue our dreams.
As Phil Stutz says:
“A dirty little secret about fear is that it tends to get bigger as you move away from it and smaller as you move closer.”
Fascinating, right? Move closer to an object and it gets bigger, except with fear. Fear grows in our minds, looping endlessly until we feel paralyzed and overthink it to death. And then we don’t do the thing that actually matters. Such a shame.
I see it as my mission to help people take action anyway, to follow their hearts not despite fear, but because of it.
This Monday, I taught the audience a tool to deal with it. Because the only way is through. And remember: if something scares you, that’s exactly what you’re meant to do. If there’s no fear, it’s not meaningful. Resistance is a reversed indicator, as Phil would say. So don’t avoid it -> do it. I was terrified to quit my job and publish a book.
Without the tool “The Reversal of Desire” (I’ll share it next week), I never would’ve done it. That fear pointed me exactly where I needed to go. And how amazing that after I shared the tool on stage, Marjon Wiendels felt inspired to jump up and share her story too, spontaneously! Yes!
Book of the week: The Tools
I can’t keep writing newsletters without finally talking about the book that radically changed my life: The Tools.
I’ve never read a book so many times (still not getting it? 😂 No, I keep discovering new layers. Some books are like that). I honestly lost count. Maybe 40 or 50 times.
Right now, I’m listening to it, something I often do with books. I love it, especially when narrated by the authors themselves. Barry Michels, Phil’s partner, has such a soothing voice. I listen before bed, and backwards! I started at the end and am slowly working my way to the beginning. I truly believe this book was meant to find me.
From someone with endless ideas and just as many unfinished projects, I became someone who got her act together and finally finished what she started.
I’d tried everything in psychology and personal development, but nothing resonated as deeply as this book.
Here are a few key takeaways that helped me:
Consumerism sells the illusion of a life free from pain, friction, and spiritual confrontation. This part helped me break free from many addictions. It’s false magic, a distortion of real growth. Real magic requires facing pain, risk, and uncertainty. Consumerism bypasses that sacred path and offers fake solutions, external fixes for internal problems.
This one hit home.
I used to think I could solve problems with a new bag from the city. I knew it didn’t truly help, but reading this (and applying it) changed everything. I realized I had to change from the inside out to feel real fulfillment
Until you can control your mind, you’re spiritually immature.
Boom, right?
Well, I’m definitely not there yet. Spiritual maturity is a journey. Because… new level, new devil. Your inner saboteur grows with you. Sometimes events still throw me off completely. But thanks to training, I bounce back faster into spiritual balance. Still, lots of room for growth. Work in progress, let’s say.
And this one…Ever get stuck in a mental loop, replaying everything someone did that annoyed you?
Stutz and Michels call that The Maze.
As long as you’re trapped in the maze (a slave to the person who hurt you), your life is on pause.
You need a tool (in this case, Active Love: link) to move forward again.
There are countless other brilliant ideas in this book. It’s a must-read, but I might be a little biased…
Encounters
This past week, I met so many lovely new people. First through the talk and post-chat at Wonders of Work. Then in Meppel, where new connections led to an upcoming workshop at a school (thank you Liesbeth Kingma for the intro!).
And then there was someone I met randomly on the street. We ended up having coffee for two hours the next day. He shared a fascinating life story. I love getting to know people beyond the “where do you live, what do you do” small talk. The deeper conversations… I’m all in.
As an extrovert, I’ve spent the past few years learning to listen better and more actively. It helps me in coaching and in everyday conversations. Being interested instead of interesting is so much more fun. You already know yourself, but who is the other person, really?
On that note, I also had a 2.5-hour catch-up with a friend I hadn’t seen in ages. How’s life really going?
She has older kids and said: “Little kids, little worries. Big kids, big worries.” (Oh boy… what’s ahead with my son Jimmy?) It makes me even happier that I get to contribute to kids’ lives through school workshops.
And it reminded me how important it is to nurture friendships—not just new ones, but those dear souls who’ve been in your life for years.
7 stars and no regrets
This week, I went to the movies with a friend. I grew up surrounded by films, my parents had a cinema and video store at home. “Film expert by birth” was literally our slogan. So catching a good movie now and then is in my DNA.
We saw The Roses – a remake of War of the Roses from the ‘80s. (Oh man, so many remakes lately! Even The Naked Gun – come on!) I must admit I never saw the original, but I liked this one!
And yes, I always check the IMDb score first.
This one had a 7, good enough for a cinema visit in my book. Unless it’s Bridget Jones, then I’m going no matter what (guilty pleasure and childhood nostalgia 😅).
Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman (who I also loved in Wicked Little Letters) had such sharp dialogue, I laughed out loud several times.
Loved it!
Agenda
This Friday my workshop!
• September 12, 2025 – Workshop: forward with confidence in Meppel (Dutch) from 13-17u at Binnenruimte by Marjan van Buuren 👉 www.sylviaholtslag.nl/workshop
• November 11, 2025 – Netwerk of Magic by Liesbeth Kingma
Are YOU organizing an event and looking for a speaker with energy, substance, and humor?
I’m available and eager to speak on as many stages as possible!
💛 Final thought
👉 If you take just one thing from this newsletter, let it be this:
Be interested instead of interesting, and you’ll naturally unlock a deeper layer in every conversation.
And hey… if YOU could use a few more superpowers, come to my workshop this Friday in Meppel.
I promise: this workshop will be your next life-changer. In just 4 hours, I’ll share what took me 1.5 years to learn, and you’ll head into the weekend with a dose of “Syl-energy” 😉.
And if you ever want to talk about what you’re facing, I’m always up for a good conversation. Feel free to message me.
Thanks for reading!
Did you find this valuable? I’d love it if you reply, subscribe, or share. Maybe tag someone who could benefit from this 💌
May the life force be with you,
Syl
