Yay! Here we are again with newsletter number 5!
This week was all about… uncovering blind spots, embracing shadows, and a super original birthday party where I got to give workshops! Bring it ON!
Over the past 3.5 weeks, I’ve read/listened to Inner Excellence by Jim Murphy nearly three times. I really wanted to absorb it. And wow, it’s a great book: super practical and deeply aligned with the themes I work with. One concept that really stuck with me? The Affluenza virus. It makes you aware of whether you’re living for the outside, or the inside.
Jim Murphy identifies five sources of infection, summed up as: PALMS
- Possessions
- Achievements
- Looks
- Money
- Status
And I thought: yep, I see this everywhere in others… But me? Nah, I’m working on it, right? Well. Until I reread “looks.” And I thought: oh crap.
Back in the day, if I didn’t get a compliment about my appearance, it could seriously throw me off. Nice hair, cute outfit, smile set to “cheerful” mask on, mask up. It was my survival mechanism. If I looked good, people would approve of me (please please like me!) and not think I was dumb or less-than. Then I’d be safe.
And yes, I’ve consciously worked on this over the years. But let’s be honest: it’s not completely gone.
Sometimes it sneaks back like a boomerang, and I find myself obsessing over a new outfit I “MUST HAVE” (hello Part X, inner saboteur) instead of doing something that truly relaxes me and brings real fulfillment, like an experience. Nobody’s perfect, and patterns can be stubborn.
That’s why we’re never done working on ourselves if we want to live what Jim calls a “life of fullness.”
The tricky part? Affluenza (your Part X) hides in your blind spots.
That’s why it’s so important to become aware of it and learn to shift your state again and again. Otherwise, it keeps us from feeling fully ourselves, and from expressing that to others. Phil Stutz’s work and his tools fit perfectly here, and I highly recommend this book if you want to dive deeper and start living from the heart.
👥 TOOL of the week: the shadow
If there’s one tool that fits this topic perfectly, it’s The Shadow.
My shadow?
An insecure, clumsy, too-heavy, sometimes rebellious and angry girl in a canary yellow outfit (yes, really). She feels unseen, unlovable, not good enough, unworthy, and gets sad or pissed when she’s ignored (not by others, but by me). I tried to hide her for years. But the harder I pushed her away, the harder she came back, usually at the worst possible moments.
The shift happens when I stop pushing her away and start bringing her along. Not to fix her, but to face her.
Not to hide her, but to honor her and give her space. This is also who I am: bad & ugly. And I’m totally okay with that now, more than okay.
It gives me the freedom to be fully myself. Far from perfect, but powerful.
Want to experience the power of shadow work for yourself? You can book a free session with me. This week or next I still have a few spots open, so don’t overthink it if you feel the pull. No sales pitch, just support.
I simply want as many people as possible to experience the power of the State Shifts these Tools can bring, so they can be fully themselves too.
💪 The Fearless Four (Daily goals)
Jim Murphy also shares this practical list that I now follow daily. I was already doing most of it, but now I’m even more intentional thanks to his book:
- Give my best (100% of what I’ve got today)
- Be present
- Be grateful
- Focus on my routines and only what I can control
Simple. But not easy. And that’s what I love about this book, it gives you concrete tools to live from the inside out.
⏳ Waiting until you’ve “Ready”?
Another biggie Jim talks about, and something I see all the time in my coaching clients. And yes, I recognize it in myself too.
Waiting until the kids are older, the vacation’s over, you feel more confident, you’ve finished that one course, the “right moment” arrives…
But what if that moment never comes? What if it’s not about being ready, but about making a State Shift now?
Not big. Not complicated.
But real.
And felt.
And from within.
🎉 The Most Fun Birthday Party Ever
Last Saturday, I was at one of the most fun birthday parties ever!
I was hired to give three workshops to 35 people. The birthday girl was a client of mine who’s had an incredible transformation through working with the Tools in my coaching and training.
She wanted her family and friends to experience how the Tools work, and how they can shift your entire state.
As in: how to change your inner condition again and again so you can live freely, aware of your inner saboteur (aka Part X).
So there we were, in a beautiful garden, between cake and prosecco, spotting Part X and shifting states.
She was glowing. So was I.
And how amazing that nearly 30% of the guests signed up to talk with me 1-on-1 about the Tools!
Not because I was “selling.”
But because it resonated.
Because it was real.
And I got to stay for the delicious Indonesian food. The finale was absolutely magical: live music from a genre I’d never heard before ->medieval Finnish music by Ensemble Gamut!
(Check them out: https://ensemblegamut.com/videos/)
I suddenly felt like I was in a mystical, ancient landscape where old stories and songs still lived.
🎤 Speaking with Energy, Substance & Humo
I want to be on more stages.
Not to perform like “look at me!” (because yes, it’s also super scary…read: terrifying 😂). But because I feel I have something to share.
September 12, 2025 – Forward with confidence (Dutch), Meppel (13-17u): https://www.sylviaholtslag.nl/workshop
November 11, 2025– Network of Magic, by Liesbeth Kingma: https://liesbethkingma.nl/agenda/netwerk-vol-magie-editie-4/
Do you have an event or gathering where I could speak? Please let me know, I’d love to join.
💛 Final Thought
If you remember just one thing from this newsletter, let it be this beautiful quote from Jim Murphy:
“To be fearless is to be selfless.”
Then there’s nothing fear can steal from you.
In other words: Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Don’t wait until you’re “ready.”
Make the shift. From within.
In your own way, at your own pace. Step by step.
Oh and… a small milestone: This week I got to lock in something I’ve been working toward for years.
More on that soon.
With Active Love,
Syl
