Week 33, theme: healthy living with the right cake
Yay, it’s newsletter number three (steady as she goes, as they say, haha!)
Each week, I take you along for joyful moments, powerful Tools, tips, insights, the occasional little mess-up, and most of all: things you can actually use to create a more fun and fulfilling life.
This week was all about… starting new things, wrapping up old ones, and gathering insights that really got me thinking. So come along, let’s dive in!
🚀 1) Supervision for Coaches: Let’s Go!
This week I kicked off supervision with a few coaches who’ve completed my Tools School. I’ve been working independently for 7 years now (15 years in total), and even though I often still feel like a puppy (especially after speaking with David Drake, PhD yesterday, more on that next week!) I always aim to keep a beginner’s mind. Because: learning never stops.
That first supervision session brought a powerful insight for both them and me: 👉 It’s not just about self-confidence, but about belief. And I don’t mean religious belief necessarily, but trust in something bigger than yourself – call it the universe, The Field, or simply the flow of life.
Here’s what we often forget: every day, you get to choose between two cakes (based on a drawing by Natalie Elfers, inspired by Phil Stutz). On the left: the cake of doubt, searching for proof that things won’t work, and half-hearted actions. On the right: the cake of confidence, action, and belief, even (especially!) when something feels scary or uncertain.
So, if you choose the cake on the left, you’ll get exactly what you expect: proof that it won’t work. But if you choose the one on the right, you might not get what you want, but you’ll definitely get what you need to grow (and not just sideways!). And that’s what it’s really all about.
As Phil Stutz says: “You are never exonerated from the work.”
Speaking of the work; I’m fully back “on the train to Healthy Ville,” prioritizing food, movement, sleep, and relaxation.
Last week, I worked out almost daily. And in a moment of peak motivation, I even found myself standing outside a closed gym at 5:30 AM. Oops.
Structure is love in action.
A client echoed this beautifully: “I’m looking forward to next week feeling ‘normal’ again, because I thrive on rhythm.”
Every morning I wake up to Fleetwood Mac (current favorite) and dance through my (sadly temporary) gorgeous apartment in the heart of Meppel.
By the way, you know of a lovely rental in Meppel? Let me know please! 🏡
❤️ 2) Summer Tools School: Wrapped Up with a Focus on Love
While one group was just getting started, I wrapped up the Summer Tools School—and what an incredible (and international!) group it was. Our final session focused on microtransactions: the idea that every interaction counts, especially when you lead with an open heart (and yes, with the Tools!).
I was genuinely amazed by how deep we went in that last session. A few key insights:
🌟 Love is a choice, not a preference. Even when someone’s being difficult, you can choose connection.
🌟 Shadow work opens the door to real connection. You don’t need to fix your shadow, just feel it.
🌟 Giving and receiving compliments is a spiritual practice. Can you truly receive?
The beauty of the Tools? You don’t just see people shift – you feel it. “What a difference!” “This feels so different!” – I know!! I still get goosebumps every time.
And from group work… we move into one-on-one sessions.
💡3) Golden moments from coaching sessions (and a surprise book delivery)
This week, one of my clients had a beautiful realization: 👉 Structure is love in action.
No more struggling through on sheer willpower, instead, supporting yourself with rhythm, a morning ritual, and someone who holds you to your promises. The shift? From “I have to finish this” to “I want to keep going, because I deserve this.”
On Tuesday, I personally biked 14 km (hello, movement opportunity!) to deliver my book What IF? to a client who could use a little post-summer support, more energy, and maybe shedding a few kilos.
And another moment from a different session:
Unspoken or unhealed emotions always find a way out.
Sometimes through the body, sometimes as fatigue, and sometimes even as illness. When we connected with the younger version of my client (a boy who once felt invisible) there was softness and recognition. No quick fix, but deep connection. For the first time in over 20 years, he could truly feel again. ❤️
Speaking of boundaries (which also came up in these sessions)…
🛠 4) Tool of the week: setting boundaries (and my own struggle with it)
Okay, full honesty: this is something I still struggle with myself. When you’ve spent years being a pleaser (guilty! ✋), saying “no” can feel like betraying yourself.
But here it is: “No” is a complete sentence.
This week, a client shared: “I say YES to everything. My calendar is bursting at the seams, but when someone asks me something, I automatically reply: ‘Yes of course I can do that!’”
She was done, angry and frustrated with others, while realizing she was the one always saying yes.
Sound familiar? Yep, same here.
Here’s how to practice this Tool:
- Say: “No.” No explanation, no excuse.
- Watch with curiosity how the other person reacts. Let it be theirs to process, don’t fix it.
- Send love (check out the Active Love/Wooden Heart Tool from The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels if you need support).
The beauty of this Tool? People often respect clarity far more than we expect. We tend to blow it up in our heads way more than it actually is. Practice makes progress and I’m still practicing too. 😉
And speaking of books (because reading is part of my self-care too)…
📚 5) No book of the week (en why that’s totally okay)
Normally (well, a whole two times so far haha), I share a book that’s moved me. But this week… no new book! I’m completely hooked on Inner Excellence by Jim Murphy. After listening to it, I’m now reading it again, slowly and intentionally.
This book went viral when NFL-player AJ Brown was spotted reading it during a game, and honestly, I get it. It’s all about living from your heart instead of your head. And let’s be real, we could all use more of that.
What I’m trying to do myself: read with love. Not rush through everything, but choose quality over quantity. This book absolutely deserves a second (or third, fourth, whatever) round and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Also… you don’t always need something new. Sometimes, repetition and deepening are exactly what you need. More on that next week!
And now from reading to living…
🎂 6) Personal: almost 10 years AND a surprise visit!
My son is turning ten this Sunday. TEN! 🥹 I’ve been working on photo albums from the past years, such a task, but also a celebration full of memories. The perfect project for this final week of summer break.
And what a surprise last Sunday: I had planned to surprise a friend with a visit, but it didn’t work out. I hadn’t been able to reach her for a while… and then suddenly, she showed up at my doorstep!
This is Mariska van Dam, an incredible event and business manager I met through work. She’s helped me out with my events more than once—and always brilliantly. Over time, we’ve become close friends.
Isn’t it beautiful when a professional connection blossoms into a genuine friendship? It reminded me once again how valuable these kinds of bonds are, especially since she showed up right when I needed it most (hello, little dip!).
And speaking of events…
🎤 Here’s where you can catch me live in 2025 (and yes, I want this list to grow!)
• August 22– Book launch of Starten met Obsidian by Martijn Aslander
I’ll be sharing how I use Obsidian in my work—super practical and powerful!
• September 12 – Vol Vertrouwen Vooruit workshop in Meppel
My favorite workshop to help people switch to full ON mode (yes, with or without bananas, healthy snacks will definitely be there 😉)
• August 30 – Not open to the public, but I just had to share it for inspiration:
I’ll be giving three workshops at a client’s birthday party. So much fun!
• November 11 – Speaker at Netwerk vol Magie by Liesbeth Kingma
An event all about heart-centered networking, totally my vibe! More info coming soon.
✨ I’m open to new speaking opportunities and already in talks for upcoming events. Know an organization (international is welcome too!) that could use an inspiring speaker? Let me know! Organizing an event yourself? I’d love to hear about it.
👉 If you remember just one thing from this newsletter, let it be this:
Choose the right cake, and leave the other one on the left.
That left-side cake represents doubt, the urge to prove yourself through half-hearted actions, and the inevitable “See? I knew I could not do it.”
Instead, choose trust: in yourself, in connection, and in your path. No matter the outcome.
That’s the essence of true courage. After all, courage comes from cour, the French word for heart.
So courage means: living and choosing from the heart. And that’s what life is really all about.
💛 Thanks for joining me again. Was this meaningful to you? Feel free to share and let someone know who might benefit.
PS: I still have space for new coaching sessions! Ready to dive in together? Check out my offerings here.
With Active Love,
Syl
