Week 32: from Churros to self-care: relationships, energy, and a good laugh.
Hatsee! Here it is, newsletter number TWO (missed number one? Click here)!
Every week, I take you along for fun moments, Tools, tips, insights, the occasional little mess-up, and most of all: things you can actually use to create a more joyful and fulfilling life.
This week felt like… gently getting the train rolling again work-wise. It’s always a quieter period for my business, so I’m happily creating, enjoying some time off, and doing fun things. My son is with me right now and still on summer break.
That said, I’m feeling a strong pull to coach more… more on that in a bit.
🚂 1) Easing back into it… but heading in the right direction
Same goes for my lifestyle! Last week, I shared how “the exception was the rule” for me. Eating based on feeling (and that feeling was: churros, fries, and bitterballen). Sleeping based on feeling (read: going to bed just a bit too late). And movement… well, the walk to the fridge sadly doesn’t count, and while ping pong is fun, it doesn’t exactly move the needle.
But this week: back on track. Boom. Healthy food, LOTS of movement, solid sleep. Because…
“Eat like shit, Sleep like shit, Move like shit = Feel like shit”
The beautiful (and sometimes tricky) part is: the longer you take good care of yourself, the quicker you notice when you veer off course. You get used to feeling good. Just like you can get used to feeling meh. And I was so done with that.
Insight: your energy determines everything.
- How you show up at work → Feeling tired? The quality of your work drops.
- How your relationships flow → Ever notice you snap more easily when you’re not feeling physically well?
- How you see yourself → Do you stick to your own commitments, or is it “tomorrow (next week, after summer, next year) I’ll really start”? Bye-bye, self-confidence.
Sound familiar? Start with your lifestyle. Small steps → repeated = big impact on your mood and behavior.
Take another look at the Life Force Pyramid (Phil Stutz) from the Netflix documentary Stutz.
Illustration by Natalie Elfers.
The biggest shift happens in your connection to your physical body.
🎓 2) A Heroic Session That Stuck With Me
This week, I had a peer-to-peer coaching session with fellow coaches at Heroic (the best personal development platform in the world).
Biggest insight: I’ve been working with The Tools for nearly ten years and coaching full-time for seven. And still, sessions like these remind me, I’m never done learning. I learn from how others coach, and that only happens when you practice and keep a beginner’s mindset. I never had the illusion that I’d one day possess all the wisdom, but it was beautiful to experience that again. And it only works when you set your ego aside.
“Keeping a beginner’s mind is gold.”
What about you? Where do you notice that you’re still learning every single day?
🎧 3) A Beautiful, Vulnerable Podcast Between Two Men
A client sent me this: “Sylvia, you should listen to this” ➡️ Rich Roll x Jim Murphy
Jim wrote Inner Excellence nine years ago. The book was ranked #523,497 on Amazon… until NFL player AJ Brown was seen reading it on live TV during a game earlier this year. It went viral, and within 24 hours, the book hit #1.
I’m usually not drawn to hype, but this interview moved me because of its vulnerability. It was truly a beautiful conversation between two men. Definitely worth a listen. I bought the book and started reading. First impression: valuable and practical. More on that next week!
📚 4) Book of the week – Attached The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find -and Keep- Love
Here’s the link to the book, written by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. It’s all about attachment styles: how they develop, how they shape your thinking and relationships, and how to work with them.
I’m reading it at exactly the right moment, a client of mine has an anxious attachment style, and his new partner seems to be avoidant.
I shared a few insights from the book with him, like how it can be more difficult for people with an anxious style to attract someone with a secure style. One reason? There are simply more avoidantly attached people on the singles market. I could see the lightbulbs going off as I described some of the traits of avoidant types.
This book is packed with examples, scientific research, and relatable stories.
Highly recommended for anyone who wants to deepen their relationships (with others and with themselves.)
❤️ 5) Relation-tip: 3 simple questions
Sticking with the theme of relationships for a moment…
In the documentary Stutz, Jonah Hill shares something that really stuck with me. He says what he appreciates most about Phil Stutz’s coaching is that Phil actually gives advice. In many forms of therapy, it’s the opposite. There’s a lot of listening, but not much guidance.
Kind of like Dr. Rossi from Gooische Vrouwen (see this clip: 😂). You sit there, pour out your soul, and mostly get a lot of “hmmm, hmmm… and how does that make you feel?”
And with friends, it’s often the reverse: you just want them to listen and zip it, but instead you get (unsolicited!) advice.
I won’t lie; this is doubly challenging for me in friendships, because I really have to sit on my coach hands to avoid slipping into advice-mode or “here’s a brilliant tool that’ll fix everything”-mode. Even with the best intentions, that’s not always what someone needs.
So now I always ask these 3 questions:
- Do you want me to just listen?
- Do you want a hug?
- Do you want help?
Sounds simple, but it’s helped me show up for my friends in a much more meaningful way. And sometimes (ust sometimes) the only thing someone truly needs… is to laugh their head off with you. Like I did yesterday with Esther Kuiperij, when I needed someone to listen to me for a change.
🛠 6) Tool of the week – Active Love/wooden heart. One way to truly listen –and let go of judgment– is this Tool!
Active Love is a brilliant way to shift from the head into the heart.
I often use it at the start of sessions to create connection, especially when someone walks in with stress, doubt, or a hundred thoughts racing through their mind. It’s the very first thing we do together.
But you can also use it in everyday conversations. It deepens connection and makes interactions more meaningful. Here’s the explanation and audio so you can try it yourself. Give it a go and notice what shifts.
🎭 7) A Lesson from Street Theatre
With Jimmy, we went to Meppeldag on Thursday. Theme: Street Theatre: so much fun! There was a little house with a kind of fake Lourdes fountain. The man performing it was absolutely brilliant! Some people even bought “holy water” for just 4 euros a bottle.
I love that someone can earn a living with this kind of “nonsense” (I say that with affection, it was genuinely well done) and, more importantly, that it puts a smile on people’s faces.
For me, it was another reminder to laugh more. Life is serious enough as it is. Hence the photo with this post.
🥒 8) Cucumber (dull) season
As I mentioned, August is always a bit quieter, so I love offering free sessions to anyone who could use a little support. It’s the perfect moment to talk things out (note: with me, you’ll usually get advice and Tools—guaranteed, haha!) and reconnect with yourself.
So, if you’re stuck in your head and curious what it’s like to be coached by me?
Book a free coaching session here. No strings attached, no fine print. You’re welcome to leave an (anonymous) review if you’d like, but even that’s totally optional.
🎤 See me live in 2025!
August 22 – At the book launch of Starten met Obsidian by Martijn Aslander
September 12 – Workshop Vol Vertrouwen Vooruit (moving forward with confidence) in Meppel
November 11 – Speaker at Netwerk vol Magie by Liesbeth Kingma (more info coming)
✨ Are YOU organizing an event or gathering and looking for a speaker with energy, honesty, and substance? I’m available for bookings, and I’d love to be on as many stages as possible. 👉 Book me as a Speaker
Thank you for reading! Did you find this valuable? I’d love it if you leave a comment, subscribe to the LinkedIn newsletter, and share it. Maybe you can tag someone who could benefit from it too.
With Active ❤️ Love, Syl
