Week 7 of 2026: On pecan trees that share, becoming fix-free, and stepping onto the stage
EXPERIMENT CONTINUES – Format stays. Thanks to those who responded. 🙏
5-4-3-2-1 → ACTION! 🎬
5 – WEBINAR
On Sunday I joined Barry Michels’ monthly Dark Shadows webinar again. Truly recommended. Barry is seriously ill and still phenomenal, maybe even more than ever, in his coaching and therapy.
One sentence that stayed with me: setting boundaries is serving the other.
When you rescue someone, you rob them of their own growth. Your saving = blocking their strength. Tough love = love.
Sounds counterintuitive, right? It is. And yet it’s true.
4 – PODCAST
Last Friday I met with Sander Veldman and Stijn Vermaat from Redshift. I’ve been given the insanely cool opportunity to create a highly professional podcast with them. Boom!
The title will be: Unaddicted – On the Way to Fix-Free.
It won’t be only about alcohol or drug addiction. Mostly it will be about the addictions we don’t call addictions:
• External validation
• Work and performance drive
• Perfection
• Distraction
• … and more.
Together with five other hosts (Angelique van de Wetering, Adinda Keizer, ⚓️ Ank Reijnen, Laura Melenhorst Michelle van Laar and Robin Peek), we’re each creating our own series. Each with our own theme.
So great to meet these passionate people live and see what they’re building. Follow them too.
More soon… but if you’re thinking, “Oh yes, I would be the perfect guest for your podcast,” please reach out. 🎙️
3 – PECAN TREES: WOW
Every month I sit in a supervision group with other shadow coaches.
This time I was especially moved by a story about pecan trees from the book Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Kimmerer.
Pecan trees are connected underground. If one tree three kilometers away doesn’t have enough water to bloom, none of them bloom.
They send all the water to that one tree that doesn’t have enough. Incredible, right?
That season, no pecans for humans. But all the trees survive. Through solidarity. Through intelligence. We don’t let you wither.
And I found that so beautiful. Because I see how often people think they have to choose. Either I’m fully independent and alone. Or I merge completely with the other and lose myself.
But those trees show: there is a third option.
You can give. You can share. You can be connected, without losing yourself.
2 – GIVING
Barry Michels and Phil Stutz write about how you can poison a relationship without realizing it. One of the poisons? NOT “feeding the dog.”
What do they mean?
Everyone has a basic need to be seen. To be appreciated.
In relationships, a channel opens between you and the other. But there’s a dog guarding that channel. And that dog bites if you don’t feed it. The channel closes.
Barry says his wife is very good at this. (Check the article here: three tools to unpoison relationships). Before she brings up something difficult, she feeds the dog first:
“I really appreciate how hard you work and what an amazing father you are.”
Barry says: “I’m a therapist, so I’m very aware that as she says this, the dog relaxes. He rolls onto his back. And yet I’m much more open to what she has to say.”
The interesting part they share:
“The winner in a relationship is the one who gives the most, not the one who gets the most.”
My first reaction when I read that years ago? “Yeah right, that’s not fair.”
Because that’s how it feels sometimes, right? The other has to give more first, then I can give.
But what if it works the other way around? What if the one who gives the most actually wins the most?
Not from obligation. Not from self-erasure. But from that inexhaustible source within us all.
I notice it: on days when I give the most, at work, in relationships, I often end with more energy than I started with.
Because the energy doesn’t originate from me. It flows through me, and I pass it on.
Connected. Infinite. And still clear about what is and isn’t mine.
Do I do that perfectly? No. Sometimes I completely miss the mark. Recently too. Work in progress. But the more aware you become, even of your mistakes, the more you can learn and adjust.
Instead of: the other has to change… be the change.
1 – STATE SHIFT STEP
Last Monday I stepped onto the soapbox at Wonders of Work and explained to a group what the shadow is. And why knowing the difference between Part X and your shadow changes everything.
Part X keeps you small. Says you’re not good enough. That you should wait. He never evolves.
Your shadow? It waits for you. Wants a relationship. Holds big gifts for you: intuition, creativity, strength, wisdom. Direction toward your life path.
When you know that difference, the fighting with yourself stops.
Internal doors open: real trust, inner peace.
External doors open: you stop projecting, stop self-sabotaging, and attract what truly fits you.
That’s why there’s the workshop on February 20. Not learning from a book. Experiencing it with your whole body. Will you join?
We already have a beautiful group, and there’s still room for you.
👉 You’re welcome.
THE STATE SHIFT WORKSHOP – February 20 @ Wonders of Work Utrecht
A powerful workshop in a beautiful location. We move from knowing to doing, despite the voice that says you can’t.
❤️ Free. Because this too is an experiment. Maximum 14 people.
Thank you so much for reading again… and see you soon.
May the Life Force be with you,
💖✨ Syl
