Week 42 – Drag queens, wrong days and the question: am I going to make it even worse?
“If it were easy, everyone would do it. If everyone did it, how valuable would it be?”
In Powervrouw: From self-doubt to self-mastery
This month I’m featured again in the magazine Powervrouw with a new article about how strength training boosts your resilience. Not just physically, but mentally too.
It’s about that moment on an old wooden bench in the gymnasium. My friend next to me: “Sometimes I just feel… blegh.” Almost depressed, grey, like the sun stopped shining.
I say: “I’m heading to the gym for a bit.”
She gives a half-hearted laugh: “I’d like to go again too, but I just can’t get myself to do it.”
And that’s where the power lies. Not in wanting or being able. But in that tiny voice that says: “Ah, never mind.” While that ‘then just do nothing’ is exactly what keeps you stuck.
You have to face the inner battle with yourself. Precisely because it’s hard. Because that’s the only way to grow – literally in the gym, figuratively in life.
If it were easy, everyone would do it. If everyone did it, how valuable would it be?
Sounds preachy, but it’s true. I wish everyone would start working out, simply because you feel so much better. I almost never feel like going, but I’ve never regretted going.
Reactive discipline: my major fuck-up
Last week I wrote: “There’s no problem so bad that you can’t make it worse.”
Saturday, I proved it.
I thought I had an event. Arranged for my son to sleep over at my ex-mother-in-law’s. Slipped into my good dress and cool boots (heels! I can’t even walk in heels anymore, but whatever) and got in the car.
All the way to Nieuwegein. Traffic jams. Obviously late, because this small-town girl didn’t factor in traffic on a SATURDAY AFTERNOON. (People, WHY?!)
I arrive at a farmhouse-style building on an industrial estate. Sign at the door: “Welcome to the wedding of Eileen and Eileen.”
Okay. Interesting.
I walk in. Ceremony about to start. Two catering ladies look at me, puzzled.
“Uhm… I’m here for the crypto event?”
“No, that’s not here. This is a wedding.”
“Yeah obviously… but like… another room maybe?”
“No. There is no other room.”
“Huh?”
“Oh wait, that event? That was yesterday.”
YESTERDAY.
Fuck. Me.
It’s been in my calendar for months. For today. And I never once checked the actual date.
“Okay… is there a bathroom? I need to pee. And go be ashamed of myself in there.”
I walk back out. There’s a drag queen in the hallway.
A drag queen. In the hallway.
Fully dressed. Heels higher than mine. Black-and-white dress with a massive balloon skirt. Blonde bob on a black face. Like she walked straight out of Alice in Wonderland.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi,” a deep voice replies.
And here’s the shadow: I didn’t dare talk to her. I was too stuck in my shame bubble. Missed opportunity. If I’d connected with my shadow faster (if I’d been okay with the shame) I would’ve started a conversation.
But nope. I bolted.
Later I thought: I should’ve stayed. Crashed that wedding. Two Eileens marrying with an Alice in Wonderland drag queen? That would’ve been a better Saturday.
But I was too mad at myself for being such a loser. Too embarrassed.
So I sit in the car. Drive home. One and a half hours.
On the way I listen to Courage is Calling by Ryan Holiday (same as on the way there). Looking for meaning. Nothing happens for nothing, right?
I call a friend to vent.
She replies: “That event? Wasn’t that yesterday?”
Sigh.
You win or you learn.
And the other tool: There’s no problem so big you can’t make it worse.
The question isn’t: is this day already ruined? The question is: am I going to make it worse now, or start making it better?
So I grabbed an egg-and-bacon sandwich at the gas station (starving), plus a cookie and candy bar (then felt like a loser-coach because I don’t practice what I preach), and later went to the cinema to distract myself with a movie.
That’s what I mean by reactive discipline. How do you respond to things? Do you have the discipline to respond in a healthy way?
Apparently not today. Part x won. I should’ve used more and different tools. But even the plumber has leaks sometimes.
-Again. You win or you learn, and I learned a lot today. Next time I’ll do it differently. Reset and move on!
Courage is Calling: fear is part of it
One upside: I had time to keep listening to the book on the way back. What I love about Ryan Holiday’s book is this:
“The brave are not without fear –no human is– rather, it’s their ability to rise above it and master it that makes them so remarkable.”
I was scared this week. Scared of being ashamed, and I ran. I didn’t talk to that drag queen. I didn’t crash that wedding.
Was that cowardly? Maybe. Was it human? Absolutely.
It’s not about never being afraid. It’s about learning to deal with it, learning from it. About standing your ground next time. About growth.
Get up and go again. Keep plowing. Not because you’re perfect, but because you keep trying.
Action in the Taxi: this week’s steps
The story above became part of a new chapter in the book I’m writing about my twisty entrepreneurial journey. Because if it were easy, it wouldn’t be valuable enough. You need the setbacks, the problems, the mis-takes to grow. It’s not one way – it’s the only way. Fail forward. Check.
Step #1: Crystal-clear ideal client
Last week I thought I had nailed my ideal client. My marketer disagreed. I had to start over, and I’m actually really glad I did.
Because now I’ve got the right client and the right message. And I can hit the gas in my taxi again. It’s going to be freaking awesome. I’m already buzzing with excitement.
Step #2: Organizing a new workshop
Thanks to Digitale Fitheid I’ve become a fan of the location Wonders of Work, and I’m in talks about hosting my next workshop there. In the meantime, I’ve already locked in a date in Meppel at BinnenRuimte: December 29 – New Year’s workshop between Christmas and New Year’s Eve.
Save the date if you’re interested.
Step #3: Connecting with others (ongoing)
This week I spoke with Liesbeth Kingma (and yes, we had a lot of laughs, see photo) about Netwerk vol Magie, where I’ll be speaking on 11-11 about my entrepreneurial journey. I’ll share how I moved from What IF? to becoming a Tools® coach. How I deal with my shadow sides that hold me back.
And Friday I was back at Digitale Fitheid in Utrecht. I could only stay briefly, but I did see a humanoid robot named Eva (controlled by Vincent Everts 🙏 🙏 ). Apparently this robot walked across Utrecht Central Station “on its own.” Must’ve been quite the sight. I also saw Peter Ros again, who’s on stage waaaaay more often than I am. I might get to tag along with him soon. Because that’s how you learn.
To wrap up
This week brought a major fuck-up, a lesson in reactive discipline, and the reminder that the question isn’t “Is the day already ruined?” but “Am I going to make it even worse?”
Friday I saw a robot. Fascinating to see how far tech has come. But just for a moment: robots don’t mess up out of shame, fear, or exhaustion. I do. I’m human. I forget to check dates, I eat one candy bar too many, I run away instead of striking up a conversation with a drag queen in full Alice in Wonderland outfit.
And that’s okay.
Because a mistake is only a mistake if you learn nothing from it. Nobody’s perfect. Everyone screws things up. What matters is what you do next.
And now you:
Did you mess something up this week? Missed an appointment, did something dumb, shot yourself in the foot?
The question is: Are you going to make it worse (beat yourself up, give up, numb out), or make it better (learn, move on, grow)?
Next week: More Action in the Taxi. More connection. More fighting back against Part X. Because courage is calling, and I don’t plan on being a coward.
Will you be there again? Thanks for reading!
Agenda
🗓️ November 11, 2025 – Netwerk vol Magie: I’ll be speaking about my entrepreneurial journey. Coming too? I’d love that! 👉 Sign up
🗓️ December 29, 2025 – New Year’s workshop in Meppel at BinnenRuimte
Want to stop doubting and delaying? I help helpers break through the patterns that hold them back. From self-doubt to action. From procrastination to momentum.
👉 DM me for a free clarity call
✨ May the life force be with you,
Syl
