Week 41 – Parking perfection, training the discipline muscle, and the question that pushed me over the edge
“What would you do if you had ten times more courage?” – Tessa de Vries
Restarting the taxi
Back home after Munich and Paris. And you know what that means: getting the taxi going again, pressing the ignition to start the engine. Traveling is wonderful, but it always throws your rhythm off a bit.
Even though I walked a lot during those trips, it’s not the same as my regular routine. I don’t just do strength training for muscle power (because yes, women lose up to 50% by age 70, so it’s an insurance policy for a healthy old age), but also because I love listening to a book or Heroic lesson while doing it. Win-win, ha!
Restarting after a break is always a challenge, I’m sure you recognize that. That’s why I find going all-in easier than doing 90 percent. It simply takes less effort to fully commit and stay in action.
Structural discipline – my framework
Last week I talked about the three types of discipline according to Phil Stutz (structural, reactive, and expansive discipline). This week I’m focusing on the first: structural discipline, the foundation you can rely on every day.
Someone recently said to me, “You’ve got quite a program in a day.”
True. I can imagine it seems like a lot. But I also know I was much more tired and unaware when I didn’t do it this way. Back then, I was constantly looking for something to consume or something “fun” to make life more exciting.
Now every day feels like a celebration because I get to serve others and do my best to stay in that energy. And that requires structure.
Because discipline isn’t a character trait you either have or don’t have. A client told me this week, “I just don’t have discipline.”
I told him: Discipline is a muscle you have to keep training. It’s not something you’re born with. You build it one choice at a time.
My structural discipline starts with my Miracle Morning (based on the book by Hal Elrod), but only after a good night’s sleep:
- Meditation – to calm and focus my mind
- Committing to Heroic – my daily check-in
- Journaling and reviewing my day plan – setting focus
- Calling my partner – connection
- Movement: walking or strength training – staying physically fit
- Fasting or a healthy breakfast – depending on how my body feels
This is the framework I know gives me the best energy… for myself, my business, and as an example to my son. But note: this works for me (and it doesn’t always go perfectly, but then I adjust with less time instead of skipping it). It’s idiosyncratic (a word you don’t often hear, except at Heroic Public Benefit Corporation,, haha). I’m not saying this is THE way or the only way.
And you? How do you give structure to what energizes you, so you can give the best of yourself? Because that’s what it’s about. Not copying my exact routine (although it helped me to learn and try it from others), but discovering what works for you personally.
Because here’s what I’ve learned: your identity is who you repeatedly are, not who you say you are. If you understand that self-confidence grows when those two align, you’ll understand why finding your framework is so crucial to leading a life and business from authenticity and trust. Your energy drives who you are in your relationships and your work.
Action in the Taxi – taking steps despite fear and perfectionism
Let me take you inside the (sometimes messy) mind of an entrepreneur who takes her mission seriously: training 4000 helpers in 25 years = 1 million people impacted.
And this week? Yep, here it comes again: fear. Holtslag wants to go next level and it’s scary again.
Fear that I’m not using and developing my talents, gifts, and desires enough. Fear of disappointing myself and others. Fear of not being able to deliver.
And of course, serendipity strikes again, as it often does with Liesbeth Kingma. She asked this question in her challenge this morning: “What are you still holding onto out of fear?” A whole list of answers from entrepreneurs, including mine above. Always comforting to read you’re not alone.
And luckily, I have my Tools. I just have to resist the urge to think I don’t need to use them literally. My Part X tempts me: just thinking about a tool is enough.
It’s not.
I have to actually use those Tools. It takes 10 to 30 seconds and I can move forward again.
Leave your perfucktion at the door
Perfection comes from the fear of not doing or being good enough. So again, a form of fear.
My friend Annemiek Bouwer has this ceramic sign hanging in our shared workspace: “Leave your perfucktion at the door.” (By the way, she gives brilliant ceramic workshops for birthdays, parties, and team events – highly recommended!)
Newsletter #10 took me a whole day last week. My Part X kept nagging with a sneaky little voice: “It’s the 10th edition, so it has to be extra good. You need to say something meaningful, or people will stop reading. And: better polish that section one more time.”
This newsletter? I set a timer. Ninety minutes max. – Failed, haha. But it took way less time than before, so still progress.
Courage is Calling – and what I’m still wrestling with
To better deal with fear, I’m currently listening to Ryan Holiday’s book Courage is Calling. Great to listen to while working out or walking (there’s that win-win again). I’m about a quarter through, and so far he focuses mostly on reason – that you can overcome fear with logic. And I don’t believe that’s true.
Because according to some theories (like Einstein’s quote: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”), you can’t solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. So if you feel fear – which arises in your emotional, physical system – you can’t think it away with your rational brain.
But at the same time… if you change your perspective, something shifts in your system too. If I see something as fear and reframe it as “this is an opportunity,” isn’t that also a state shift? And sometimes that does work. I’m still figuring out what I think about it, so I’ll keep pondering.
What I do know works for me? Phil Stutz’s Tools. Physically moving through the fear. Taking action while afraid. Doing, not thinking. Investing those 10 to 30 seconds to move, and then realizing – oh, I can do this. And the fear was often much smaller than I thought.
Most likely, action will come up more later in the book – I’m only a quarter in, after all.
So I took these steps in my Action in the Taxi experiment
(see newsletter #10 for more info)
Step #1: Hired a marketer for Meta socials
Scary? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely. Did I do it anyway? Yes.
Why didn’t I do it earlier? Because I thought I had to be able to do it myself. Because I didn’t allow myself to spend money on something I “could also learn myself.”
But time is the one thing I can’t earn back.
Step #2: Virtual Assistant
What a relief. We’ve been working together for a while now and heroine Rowena Korthout-Blom handles all kinds of tasks in my new mail system – things that need to be done but don’t energize me. The amazing part? She even does things without me asking. She sees what’s needed and just takes care of it.
Think: uploading this newsletter to my website, planning and organizing practical matters in systems. All those things that used to drain me and that I dreaded.
It saves me a huge amount of time that I can now use for what truly energizes me: connecting, creating content, coaching, giving workshops, writing, speaking, and so on. And that’s exactly the point – not doing everything yourself because you think you should be able to, but being smart about where you spend your time and energy.
Step #3: Connecting with others
This isn’t a one-time step, but something I’ve committed to doing consistently – connecting with as many people as possible. Besides the fact that I love meeting other entrepreneurs and helpers and hearing what they do, I also want to learn from them and see if and how I can support them with Tools training and coaching.
Thursday felt like a week compressed into one day.
Speaking of connecting: in the morning I met Aniek Huisman at Sons and Daughters. I’ve been following her on Insta for a while and thought – if she’s even half as fun in real life… And yes – direct, straightforward, funny. I love it.
We immediately had a great conversation, and what struck me most was her honesty and directness. So refreshing. It reminded me that I want to show more of myself too, and that I sometimes still hold back. Why? Because I’m afraid it’s not good enough? That people will think it’s weird? Part X (inner saboteur) at work. So action in the taxi. That’s why I’m now consciously posting videos on Instagram stories again – just showing who I am, no filters (literally and figuratively). You’ll find me under my name.
After that, three coaching sessions and one peer group session at Heroic. Intense! So I absolutely had to squeeze in a napitation (a combo of meditation and nap) to have enough energy left for the Bakkie Business event here in Meppel. And it was totally worth going. Tessa de Vries spoke there. In five years, she built a million-euro business. But what I loved wasn’t the number, it was that she just DOES it. She doesn’t let fear hold her back. She just goes.
And then she asked that question:
“What would you do if you had ten times more courage?” Boom. That was apparently the nudge I needed to say yes to the proposal from my new marketer.
At the event, I also made new connections with new people. Always fun to hear what others do and to share what I do. Made some LinkedIn connections, and I suspect I’ll be seeing a few of them again. Exactly what networking should be: real connection, not just handing out business cards and forgetting about them.
Rest is just as important as effort
By Friday evening, I was completely wiped out. My tank was totally empty. Not surprising, of course.
And then that voice starts: “Yeah but Syl, it’s Friday, you should still make something of it. You’re not making the most of the day, you should do something productive or fun or go get a treat.”
Nope. Not today, Part X. I’m listening to my wise voice. I’m tired. Sleep meditation and off to bed. That’s it. That’s what I did, and it was exactly the right choice.
After that, I slept wonderfully that night after a few restless ones. A blissful Saturday with exercise, walking, journaling, and a bit of work. Then off to the movies: Voor de Meisjes. A heavy story about two teenage girls who get into a serious accident, one of whom suffers severe brain damage. As a mom, you can’t help but think: what if it were my child? I really had to stop by my ex’s place afterward to give my son a big hug.
He, totally unfazed: “Mom, I literally saw you two days ago.” 😂
And Sunday? Zero work. I went shopping at “the biggest flea market in Europe” at the IJhallen in Amsterdam with my ex-in-laws. Grateful that we still have such a good relationship that this is still possible.
It was fun to browse around, although the entrepreneur in me kept thinking: “People, why don’t you just hang those clothes up properly? Don’t you actually want to sell them?” Who wants to dig through a pile like that? Apparently plenty of people, because it was packed. But at the stalls where things were nicely displayed, I scored a few fun little finds for cheap. Still a win!
To wrap up
This week brought some great steps (marketer, VA), a question that pushed me forward (10x more courage), and the reminder that fear is overcome through action, not thinking.
Now it’s your turn:
What would YOU do if you had ten times more courage?
Write it down. Seriously, grab a pen and paper.
And this one: How can you make sure you have more energy to do the things that matter most to you? Because without energy, courage stays theoretical.
Starting next week: even more Action in the Taxi. I’ll keep building. I’ll keep sharing. And I’ll keep moving through the fear… expansive discipline style, because Courage is Calling. Bring it on.
Will you be there again? Thanks for reading!
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✨ May the life force be with you, Syl
