You have built something real. The company runs. The numbers work. People look at your life and see someone who has figured it out.
But you sit in your car after the biggest deal of the year and feel nothing. You close a quarter your team worked months for and the only thought is: next. You wake up on a Monday morning already tired, not from the weekend but from something you cannot name.
That is not ingratitude. That is not burnout, though it can look like it. It is a signal. And if you are reading this, you already know it.
I am Sylvia Holtslag, Tools Coach, the only one in Europe listed on thetoolsbook.com. I work with leaders, founders, and executives who have done everything right on the outside and feel something fundamental is missing on the inside. Not because they lack ambition or discipline. Because the drive that built everything they have was fuelled by something they have never examined. And it is running out of road.
I know this territory. I spent years climbing a ladder that was leaning against the wrong mountain. Before I turned thirty I had a thriving business, a relationship, plans to build a house, a brand new car I picked out of the showroom in minutes. I could buy whatever I wanted. I should have been happy. But nothing was ever enough. There was no finish line where I finally felt satisfied. What I did feel was exhausted. Not from the work. From living for what Phil Stutz calls PALMS: possessions, achievements, looks, money, and status. The external scoreboard that promises fulfilment and delivers emptiness.
I am not going to tell you to quit your job or blow up your life. That is not what this work is about. Michael Singer puts it precisely: it is not about finding the right job. It is about releasing the blockages so you can be fully alive in the job you already have. The goal is not to escape your success. It is to stop living for PALMS and start living from alignment, from who you actually are underneath the performance. I am still doing this work myself. Always a work in progress. Never perfect. But moving, step by step, toward something that is real.
What is executive coaching?
Most executive coaching focuses on performance. Better communication. Sharper leadership skills. Clearer strategy. There is nothing wrong with that. But if you have already reached a high level of performance and you still feel stuck, the problem is not a skills gap.
The kind of executive coaching I offer goes deeper. It works on the internal operating system that drives every decision you make. Your relationship with control. Your tolerance for uncertainty. The patterns you developed in childhood that still run your boardroom behavior today. The gap between who you present to the world and who you actually are.
Phil Stutz, the psychiatrist behind the Netflix documentary Stutz and author of The Tools and Coming Alive, spent decades working with high performers in Hollywood and business. He discovered that the same internal forces that drive people to the top are often the ones that keep them trapped once they get there. His method does not optimize performance. It transforms the person underneath the performance.
That is the kind of executive coaching I practice. Not coaching that makes you a better executive. Coaching that makes you a more alive human being who happens to lead.
Why successful leaders need a different kind of coaching
Success creates its own trap. Phil Stutz calls it Universe One: a way of looking at the world where everything is about winning or losing. First you build. Then you achieve. Then you arrive. Then you rest.
But you arrived. And you did not rest. Because Universe One has no finish line. There is always the next quarter, the next deal, the next proof that you are still relevant. The system rewards you with money, status, recognition, but it cannot give you meaning. That can only come from what Stutz calls Universe Two: a way of living where value lies not in achievement but in your ability to create, to connect, to keep moving forward without needing a destination.
Most leaders I work with are running on fumes. Not because they work too hard. Because they work for the wrong reward. They burn through their own energy chasing validation in a system that can never provide what they actually need. Stutz describes this precisely: burnout comes from seeking validation in Universe One. You might get the reward, money, status, but all you are getting is nothing. The work itself must give you energy. And it only does when you are connected to something larger than your own ambition.
This is where traditional executive coaching falls short. It optimizes your behavior within Universe One. It makes you more efficient at a game that is making you empty. What you need is not a better strategy. You need a different relationship with yourself. This is not a scalable platform where you get matched with a coach from a database. It is not a peer group where you perform for other executives. It is not an institutional programme with a certificate at the end. It is private, one on one, and it goes to the places that none of those formats can reach.
Part X, what Stutz calls the inner saboteur, is particularly sophisticated in high performers. It does not show up as laziness or procrastination. It shows up as perfectionism. As control. As the inability to delegate because no one does it as well as you. As the voice that says you cannot afford to slow down, show vulnerability, or admit that something is wrong. Part X weaponizes your own competence against you.
The Phil Stutz Tools Method for executives
The Phil Stutz Tools are not theoretical frameworks or models you discuss and forget. They are visceral, immediate, physical experiences you use in the moment you need them. That is what makes them different from any other approach in executive coaching and leadership development.
Reversal of Desire
When you face a decision that terrifies you, the instinct is to avoid. Reversal of Desire teaches you to turn toward the pain instead of away from it. You say to yourself: bring it on. Give me the uncertainty. Give me the risk of getting it wrong. You move toward what you fear, not because you are reckless, but because the avoidance costs more than the pain ever could. Executives who master this tool stop postponing the conversations, decisions, and changes they already know are necessary.
The Shadow
Every leader has parts of themselves they have learned to hide. Vulnerability. Doubt. The part that does not have the answer. The part that is afraid. Stutz calls this the Shadow, and it contains not just your weakness but your greatest untapped strength. The leaders I coach learn to build a relationship with their shadow instead of running from it. When they do, they lead with a kind of authority that does not need a title to be felt.
Inner Authority
Most executives operate on what Stutz calls Outer Authority. Their sense of worth depends on results, recognition, the opinion of the board, the market, their peers. Inner Authority is the shift from basing your worth on what others think to basing it on your bond with yourself. Leaders who make this shift become harder to destabilize. They make better decisions under pressure because they are no longer optimizing for approval.
Active Love
When someone triggers you, a difficult board member, a competitor, an employee who lets you down, the default is to react from hurt or anger. Active Love is the tool that breaks that cycle. It transforms your internal state before you respond, allowing you to act from strength rather than reactivity. It is the most underestimated leadership skill that exists.
These tools are not used once and understood. They are practiced daily, in real situations, under real pressure. That is how executive skills coaching works in this method: not insight first, action first. You use the tool, you feel the shift, then you understand why it works.
Executive coaching and leadership: what you’ll work on
Every executive I work with arrives with a surface problem and a deeper pattern. The surface problem is what they can articulate: I need to delegate better. My team is not performing. I am considering a major transition. The deeper pattern is what actually needs to change.
Decision paralysis under uncertainty
You have the data, the team, the experience. But the decision does not come. Not because you lack information. Because Part X has convinced you that the wrong decision will be catastrophic. We work on building your tolerance for uncertainty using Stutz’s framework: the universe is in constant flux, and the only real stability you have is over your inner state, not your circumstances.
The loneliness of leadership
The higher you go, the fewer people you can be honest with. This is not a cliché. It is a structural reality. And it creates a pressure that compounds silently. In this coaching relationship, there is one place where you do not need to perform. Where the full picture is welcome. Where you can say what you actually think without calculating the consequences.
Control patterns that limit your organization
Your company cannot outgrow your personal limitations. If you cannot tolerate ambiguity, neither can your culture. If you lead from fear, your team will optimize for safety instead of innovation. The internal work directly impacts the external system. This is where personal executive coaching delivers returns that no leadership workshop can match.
The emptiness behind achievement
This is the one most executives will not name out loud. The sense that despite everything you have built, something essential is missing. Stutz’s five friends who sold their businesses and fell apart within two years did not lack money. They lacked meaning. They had abandoned the three domains, pain, uncertainty, and constant work, that are the actual substance of a life worth living. We work on rebuilding that connection.
The unworthiness underneath it all
This is what sits beneath the control, the perfectionism, the inability to stop. A quiet conviction that you are not enough without your achievements. It shows up in unexpected places: the nervousness before a presentation you have given a hundred times. The feeling that people see through you. The sense that if you stopped performing, there would be nothing left worth seeing. Michael Singer offers a radical reframe: you are not your thoughts, your fears, or your performance. You are the one who notices all of it. That distinction changes everything. Most executives have built their entire identity on Outer Authority, basing their worth on results, recognition, the opinion of others. The work here is not to dismantle your ambition. It is to give it a foundation that does not require constant proof. That is what Inner Authority means in practice: you are not what you have built. You are the one who builds.
How executive coaching works with Sylvia
This is not a course. It is a private, one on one coaching relationship designed for leaders who are serious about change.
Structure
A six month engagement. Sessions every two weeks, ninety minutes each. Enough time to go deep, enough frequency to maintain momentum. The work happens between sessions as much as during them.
Platform and access
You work through a dedicated coaching platform with a private app for accountability, direct messaging, and the ability to call between sessions when something urgent comes up. You also receive tools and exercises tailored to your specific patterns. This is not a service where you get ninety minutes every two weeks and silence in between. I am fully on your side, fully in your corner, throughout the process.
The approach
This work goes deep. We go to the places most coaching never touches: childhood patterns, shadow material, the beliefs about yourself that you have carried so long you mistake them for facts. But the approach is practical. No endless analysis. No sitting in feelings for the sake of sitting in feelings. Every session ends with something concrete you can use that day. A tool. A shift. A decision. That combination is why my clients feel safe going to the hard places. They know they will not get stuck there. They will walk out with something in their hands.
We start with what is real. Not a personality assessment. Not a 360 review. A direct conversation about what is actually happening in your life, your leadership, and your inner world. From there, we identify the patterns that are running you and begin working with the Tools immediately. You will feel a shift in the first session. The six months are about making that shift permanent.
Coming soon: Sylvia.AI
I am building a personal coaching intelligence that extends the work into the moments between sessions, when Part X is loudest and you are on your own. More details soon.
Executive coaching fees and investment
The investment for a full six month executive coaching engagement is €6,000. This includes all sessions, platform access, the coaching app, tools and materials, and direct access to me between sessions.
To put this in perspective: a single wrong hire at the executive level costs an organization between €100,000 and €500,000. A decision delayed by three months due to internal paralysis can cost multiples of that. The investment in this work is not an expense. It is the highest leverage decision you can make as a leader, because it changes the person making all the other decisions.
I work with a limited number of executive clients at any given time to ensure depth and availability. If the fit is right, we begin. If it is not, I will tell you.
What clients say
I do not share details of private coaching conversations. But my clients do share their experiences. Here is what they say in their own words.
Mike Kehoe, President / CDO / YPO
“Sylvia has been my life performance coach for 3 years and she continues to challenge me to be better each day via routines, tools and her positive approach. Since working with Sylvia, I am more clear on my goals, conscious moment to moment and confident day to day. I can highly recommend Sylvia to anyone who has BIG goals and wants to develop a better version of themselves every day.”
Ramzi Rafih, Investor, No Label Ventures
“Working with Sylvia was transformational as an investor and human. Her exceptional methodology, based on the Tools, creates remarkable changes within weeks. Absolutely essential for anyone pursuing peak performance.”
Matthew Lee, Director, Strategy & Business Intelligence
“With a classical scientific background, I was initially skeptical. But it was clear that the tools that got me here were not the tools I needed to take me there. Sylvia broke down a whole life transformation into challenging but manageable stages. She pushed me if I needed it, congratulated me if I had earned it, and coached me to substantial lifestyle changes I once thought were beyond my reach.”
Mark Byrne, Co-founder, AI-Driven Digital Solutions
“During our second call, I had a breakthrough moment when confronting my shadow self for the first time. It was eye-opening and transformative. What sets Sylvia apart is her ability to push you towards that next level. Her no-nonsense approach cuts through the noise and gets straight to the heart of the matter.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this therapy or coaching?
Coaching. I am not a therapist and this is not a clinical process. However, the Tools Method works at a depth that most coaching does not reach. We address patterns, not just performance. If therapy is appropriate, I will tell you.
Who is Phil Stutz?
Phil Stutz is an American psychiatrist who developed The Tools over forty years of clinical practice, working extensively with high performers in entertainment, business, and sports. His work was popularized by the Netflix documentary Stutz (2022) and the books The Tools and Coming Alive, co-authored with Barry Michels. I am the only Tools Coach in Europe listed on thetoolsbook.com.
Do I need to be familiar with The Tools before we start?
No. Many of my executive clients come to this work without prior knowledge of Stutz or the Tools. You do not need to prepare. You need to show up.
Can we work remotely?
Yes. Most of my executive clients work with me online. The platform and app are designed for this. The depth of the work is the same regardless of location.
What if I realize this is not for me after we start?
Then we stop. I have no interest in keeping anyone in a process that does not serve them. The executives I work with have enough obligations. This should not be one of them. This should be the one place where you choose to be.
How is this different from other executive coaching services?
Most executive coaching services focus on leadership competencies, communication, and strategic thinking. This work focuses on the internal system that produces all of those things. When you change the operating system, every output changes. The Phil Stutz Tools Method is not available through any other coach in Europe.
Is this confidential?
Completely. No reports to your organization. No assessments shared with HR. This is a private relationship between you and me.
Ready to begin?
If you have read this far, something in this resonated. Not because it told you something new. Because it named something you already knew.
Book a free introductory session and find out in thirty minutes whether this is the right fit. No pitch. No pressure. Just a direct conversation about what is actually going on and whether the Tools can help.
May the Life Force be with you,
Sylvia Holtslag
Tools Coach | The State Shift Method | thetoolsbook.com
